Showers make you lose your human rights

While in the shower earlier I hear a scream, “Mommmyyy!!” before I could even respond the bathroom door is open and my daughter is running into the bathroom.

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Before anybody tries to say, “Why didn’t you lock the door?” I can vouch on why I don’t lock the bathroom door in general (unless I am on the toilet or in public). Even when I did that I still get a 7-year old note slid under the door.

Unfortunately, I live in a small almost- studio like apartment, which is the equivalent to a tiny home; I should just hook it up to a tractor-trailer and go my merry way. With one bathroom and only three of us in this space it’s just easier to leave the door open that is – until times like this.

This occasion however, I wasn’t planning for an unwanted visitor because realistically it doesn’t happen everyday. But here she was so fast forward to the story – my daughter not only barges into my only 15 minutes of alone time that I get a day but, she proceeds to tell me a story. To exaggerate her story she stands on top of the toilet (you know so I can hear and see her better) I guess I wasn’t aware that she was in my presence. Insert my sarcasm.

Needless to say I spent my 15-minute alone time listening to a 7-year old tell me about her day. How the school lunch was horrible, her friend (which I wouldn’t consider) decided she didn’t want to play today because she’s rude, and a whole story about how her Barbie won’t stand up in her dollhouse and it’s serious because she has to cook dinner for Ken. I guess this was urgent and couldn’t wait 15-measily minutes!Screen Shot 2017-03-27 at 7.08.19 PM

As I turn off the shower, dry off, and continue my journey to my room to get dressed I am followed by my human equivalent of a duckling. Quack, Mom, quack, Mom!


Suddenly, a blog post occurred to me.

Moms, did we sign up for this? Well motherhood, yes, but did we sign up for THIS?! When the little stick had double lines did it come with terms and conditions that stated, “You will never be able to do anything alone”?!? I mean dads don’t have these issues? At least not most of them and hey, forget the ones who hear the word, “pregnant” and run as far as they can. They seem to get the easier end of the bargain regardless of how much of a father they are.

Daddy’s get the pleasure while we carry the child for 9 months, give birth, lose most sleep, go through body/mental issues, and just when they begin to get older and we think we are free they talk, and they generate a mind of their own. A mind that still doesn’t let us come up for air. (Trust me I love being a mother but this is the realness of being one).

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Here is my list of 11 human rights we lose when we become mothers  (feel free to add your own thoughts) Oh, FYI I chose a random 11 because that’s my favorite number – humor me:

  1. Nice, warm, showers alone and in peace. A bubble bath with dimmed lights and candles only come on rare occasions. Like the time you find a sitter and can check yourself into the nearest hotel!
  2. Using the bathroom in private! Ok, doing anything in private because 9 times out of 10 you are going to turn around and find this little human right there. I swear they are magical creatures!
  3. Thinking clearly. If it isn’t about your job, dishes, shopping list, etc. It is about the up and coming parent/teacher conference, if they have gym or art class tomorrow, was their homework done? Enough cereal for breakfast tomorrow? Come on moms we all know where I am going with this. Mom brain comes into full effect the minute we lay eyes on this precious little human.
  4. Keeping anything clean. The couch, the kitchen, the bathroom, your car, mirrors. Pillows? I am sure something will get smeared across it. I think I run around with Clorox wipes more than any normal human on this earth.
  5. Having a conversation. Whens the last time you met up with the girls and were not interrupted by a child? Example: S: “So catch me up with life, how have you been?” Y: “It’s been ok, I just *child interrupts* you know I just landed a new gig at my *child interrupts*” Child walks away. S: ”So you were saying?” Y: “Oh yes, I was saying that I just *child interrupts*” You know what? Just give it up. Let’s not forget about the many times you stop your own sentence to say, “Stop or don’t do it or stop tattling.” I applaud you mamas with multiple children!
  6. Having your own personal space (or as I call it ‘box’). I am always telling my daughter, “Mommy loves you but get out of my box for one second!”
  7. Being allowed a sick day. Even if your job allows you the luxury of sick days, even if you are actually sick, even if you take a sick day for important reasons do you ever actually get a sick day? I always pick on my husband because when he’s sick his fingers suddenly don’t work. Us mamas no matter what type of ‘under the weather’ we are we still do it all. Us women are truly amazing I tell ya!
  8. Eating food without having to share. Wait, eat food in general. I don’t know about your children but mine is the ‘lean mean eating machine’. She sees food she needs it. She smells food she needs it. She’s bored she needs it. She is sleeping she needs it. Not literally – yet, I am sure she dreams of it. I can’t eat anything without her suddenly being starving.
  9. Walk through a room without tripping over something. I am a serious OCD clean person but I also know I can’t control it when I have a little creature in the same place. If I am not tripping over toys I am tripping over, backpacks, shoes, coats, or hey my child herself.
  10. An ‘I don’t care’ attitude. Ok, I am getting mushy on this one because at the end of the day we can’t go to work or out with friends without thinking about our precious babies. It is impossible for us to not ‘check in’ or not let thoughts of these little humans take over. I think this is one of the 11 human rights I am ok with not being able to give up.
  11. Last, sleep. Yes, I have had my full 8 hours of sleep over this course of 7-years. Yet, if I am not up worried because my daughter is sick, I am up for many different mommy reasons. My brain wont shut up, my daughter is up because she had a nightmare, I forgot to make those darn cookies for her class party, and you name it. Sleep may get better the older they get but we still don’t savior it the way we would have when we were 18. Just saying.

All jokes aside, I am glad my daughter barged into my 15-minute non-mommy let me be a woman time. I am thankful because she not only inspired me to write. She also made me laugh and reminded me why I love being a mom. Lets face it, it wasn’t all that bad considering she talked my ears off but still let me shave and condition my hair!

I will take leggings, messy buns, and quick makeup application any day. I will take it any day as long as it means I get to hear the, “I love you Mommy’s” and she covers me in her precious kisses.

Being a mom is damn hard. I want to applaud all mommies’ out there! I want to especially applaud the women who are doing it alone. You mommies deserve the biggest medals in the world. I can joke and joke over and over but mommy life is hard but rewarding. Whether we are working or SAHM’s we are not paid to be a mother. A full-time job that doesn’t pay in cash but we are paid in the love of a beautiful life. We may not have signed up to lose our sanity but when those faces smile at us we remember that our sanity is there, we just have to dig deep for it!

Toast to all mamas! Cheers to us!


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The good. The bad. And all the crazy in between.


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